Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
