I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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