Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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