I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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