omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
