the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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