I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
