worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
