is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
