there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
