i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
