Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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