The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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