Sry I called you an 8
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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