Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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