If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize