you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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