He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
