I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This girl is more easily done than said...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
