Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
