hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
