Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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