I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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