I'm really into asian looking animals
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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