You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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