note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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