I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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