The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize