Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
