I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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