i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
