Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize