Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
