it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
