Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
