if i can run in heels then i can drive
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
