He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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