Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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