Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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