she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
