Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize