Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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