Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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