I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
