at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
