wat bout pragnant strippers??
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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