just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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