He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
