I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
