New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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