I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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