I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm too high and old for this...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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