Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
