im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
