The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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