On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
