dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
