ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
