Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
