Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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