just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
