toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
