The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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