I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize