Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
