i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
