Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
