living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
