my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
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