I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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