Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize