Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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