Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
