and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
