I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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