i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
