He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
