It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
