life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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